A bidet.
Maybe I’m doing something wrong, but I don’t get the point. I was convinced by a billion people online and got a nice one with water and seat heater, dryer and a ton of other features. It sucks. Nobody in the family likes it or uses it now because afterwards you’re still wiping dirty ass that’s now wet.
None of us are especially fat or have weird bodies as far as I can tell.
Do the rest of you really get up with a clean asshole that you can just tap dry after?
What the fuck are we all doing wrong?
I’m a very hairy guy, so getting really clean down there is challenging sometimes. With the bidet I wiggle a bit to make sure the whole area is clean, and I usually do it a couple of times.
And sometimes I wipe to dry and it’s still dirty… I think it has more to do with my diet than anything else. When that happens I just rinse and repeat, or I jump in the shower. Once I realized how much cleaner I feel after using water instead of just paper, I can’t go back.
For anyone else reading this who doesn’t already have a bidet, don’t spend your money on the really fancy ones. You can get a basic model on Amazon for less than $50 (my first one was only $20), and unless you really want the heated seat, deodorizer, or other features, that’s all you need. The water pressure on the cheap ones was way better than on my fancy electronic one too.
As someone with a very hairy butt, I use one of those cheaper ones with more pressure, a good 30-60 seconds with some wiggling and there’s rarely any mess left. I keep some cloths dedicated to drying, after a quick dab with TP just in case, makes drying fast and convenient.
I do have one of the units that connect to hot and cold though and notice best results when I use warmer water.
I’m in a new house now and planning to get a new bidet. Thanks to your comment I will now ignore the fancy electric ones!
To be fair, you do get what you pay for… the features are very nice, but not necessary.
Hair is definitely a problem. My perfect solution would be wet wipes I can flush. They really work, I just hate to have a trash can full of shit covered wipes.
Wipe first. Use soap if you want to be really clean.
I got a cheap bidet a few years back and I use it all the time. The fancy ones can be nice but most of the extra features are gimmicky things that don’t have a large impact on function. They’re marketed like magic poop-away devices but bidets aren’t magic. Bidets are showerheads for your toilet bowl meant to make buttwashing more accessible. Use your bidet like a butt-shower instead of a magic no-effort poo cleaner and you’ll have better results.
New slow close toilet seat. Slow close cabinet hinges (or the aftermarket accessory to convert normal cabinet doors into slow close).
This is sad to say but I’ve lived so much of my life with making everything “passing” or “just enough” that for me bringing everything up to snuff feels like a luxury.
So like whoever had this place before me half assed that plastic crap you line a shower with. It was coming off and the caulk job was god awful so bought a couple things of liquid nails, took it apart, checked for leaks, fixed a couple little things, glued shit back together and caulked it properly. Another thing is recently I had to go down the rabbit hole of having a well and holy crap the things that are wrong. I spent hours looking for and measuring the casing of the old well and finally found what I needed and wanted for like 100$.
It feels like a luxury to spend the time, effort, and money getting shit done right and knowing that I don’t have to worry about it when I’m done.
Ethernet.
So my counterpoint on this is that in my last house I ran ethernet everywhere but really only needed 3 drops because everything started to use WiFi.
So when I moved into my current house I ran it to only 2 places where I was certain I wanted hardwired, and put WiFi APs at those drops to give good whole house coverage.
One drop to each room is good enough, you can always drop a 4 port switch into a room that needs more.
No, I’m saying 1 drop in a room with nothing hardwired is a waste of time and money.
I put 2 wires in the office and 2 in the living room, but didn’t run any to bedrooms because those are all laptops and cellphones.
Smart lighting.
Specifically Philips Hue with the switches that look like normal switches/dimmers.
The bulbs are pricey but I’ve had some of them for 10-15 years. Still going strong.
I really like warm lighting in general so I replace every light bulb with a warmer color. I particular under cabinet lights and above cabinet lights are cheap and easy to do with led strip lights now. I love indirect lighting and task lighting and you can do a lot with $100.
Fridge with auto defrost and an oven with pyrolitic cleansing function.
If you get to replace these I’d shell out a little extra on these qol features.
Defrosting the fridge and cleaning the over are a chore I get very happy about not having to do anymore.
Professionally installed wired networking? The more detailed pre-purchase survey?
A big toilet. I replaced my little ones from the 80’s when I was getting my house ready for sale because my real estate agent told me to. The new ones were so much more comfortable! I wish I had put them in right after moving in rather than right before moving out. Now I have to settle for a little toilet again because my bathroom is small, and it’s not great.
Dishwasher and an L2 EV charger
level 2 chargers at home are such a nice thing to have. its so nice for a quick stop at home to get a few things before leaving again and getting some extra range : D
Smart Lights It is great to be able to control the light. Make it bright and cold for cleaning or work, dim it and make it warm for cozy evenings. Wake up by slowly increasing the light instead of burning your eyes in the morning with the power of 1000 suns. Even those Philips Hue Kits are not that expensive, but there are even cheaper alternative bulbs out there. Look for Zigbee, they are all kind of compatible.
HomeAssistant Get a cheap thinclient or raspberry pi (~100€). Set everything up. Control your smart stuff with an awesome privacy friendly interface and build automations you couldn’t even dream about a few years back (like “Water the lawn, but not if rain is predicted”)
robot vacuum Why should i vacuum my house when there is a robot totally capable of doing it?
3D printer Sounds a little bit crazy, but you can buy a 3D printer at ~150€+ and it’s awesome to print little custom fixes and stuff for your home. Is there some ugly gap or device somewhere? Print a custom cover. Broke something? Print the replacement part.
Hot water recirc pump
2 dishwashers. 2 water heaters.
I have that in my current house and it’s amazing.
Why 2 dishwashers?
One for business and the other for pleasure
Why two water heaters and not just one big one?
They don’t make them that big but the other big reason I like it is because they are piped together with bypass valves so either one can fail and we still have hot water while waiting on a repair.
Why not tankless?
I definitely considered it but the house already came with 2 so it was easier to stick with it and reconfigure them to work in parallel with bypass valves. The other reason is I’m trying to get off of gas and the electric ones are energy hogs. My current tanks are now heat pumps.
Whole house humidifier. They’re great if you live anywhere where it gets dry in the winter.
Curiosity: how much room does one take up? I would love to have one, especially for the winter, but there is 0 room in my utility closet.
I have the furnace mounted style so a cube about the small dimension of most heat ducts.
Thick, foam mat to stand on in the kitchen and at the bathroom sink.
I can run and hike for hours, but standing in one place for 5 minutes wrecks my lower back and the arches in my feet. Been like that since I was a teenager.
So, the foam mat is essential for daily cooking (even 3 minutes for eggs), cleaning dishes, and hygiene (brushing teeth, washing face).
I have one similar to this one, purchased 6+ years ago (before I started limiting Amazon purchases). It’s held up great - it looks brand new. No cracks, or signs of wear. Still just as squishy as when I first got it.
